I should be over the moon, and I am! Mostly, I am…
I should be celebrating this moment of my life, a great publishing company, my first poetry book (everyone is telling me how hard it is to be published above all in poetry…) I know I am blessed! BUT then that feeling in my stomach… butterflies? Not really! More like an infinite group of small ants, going up and down, continuously, I thought I could feel them in my throat just a few hours ago!
Anxious & stressed, I try to forget about the ants and I imagine how wonderful it will be to share my verses, feeling complete communion with other souls that I will probably never meet in person…
For a few minutes it all looks clear, limpid, magic! And then those ants again having a party in my belly!!! I drink water, cold one thinking maybe they will stop moving, traumatized by chills BUT nothing works, hot tea, milk, coffee… I tried wine as well, of course, not a good choice for “ants in the stomach” syndrome!
Sometimes my thoughts get so “active”… I feel like a vortex of emotions inside… mixing pure air and toxic waves of fumes!
Then I think again and words flow like a river, reaching the calm sea, peace follows, I am not restless anymore and that vortex becomes a gentle breeze. Words save me every time, just like now.